Dream Deferred?

Am I holding myself back? I have finished proofing the galleys of my novel made all the corrections and decisions to be made but I have not sent the book back in for printing. Two days before I finished with my proofs, the company I am self-publishing through had a promotion for authors who sent their proofs back in for printing before a certain date. The offer was for free marketing services which I'm sure I could use. I asked if the offer would still be available even though I was a couple days late and it wasn't. So, I decided to hold off on sending my material in, in hopes there will be another promotion and I can get some services for free. It does make sense but I wonder if my "fear of success" issue is really the culprit behind the decision. I have been working to publish this book for over two years and if I am honest with myself and you, I have been standing in my own way for two years. In my heart I believe in my talent but I am so afraid of rejection so many times I close myself off from it so tight that I close myself off from success as well. 

~Some said HOV, how you get so fly I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky – Jay-Z

I wish I had the courage to leap when it comes to my writing. I think if I had more faith in myself and my ability to be a novelist I would put more focus into my craft. I control how successful or how much of a failure I will be. This blog has been encouraging me to write every day, and I'm getting back to the essence of me. I forgot how writing gave me energy, how writing centered me and gave me an escape. Well, the generator just kicked back on. This under construction project is so important to me and important for my family and I will just continue to improve. I will be 20+10 soon and I would like to leave my reckless, irresponsible, wild and free 20's and emerge into the woman, mother, wife and writer I always knew I would be.

Today I am changing the way I have been handling my business yesterday. Today I am going to crunch the numbers and figure out if waiting for another marketing offer is worth it. If it turns out it's not I am going to pull the trigger, I am not afraid to fall and all I have to do is…

Just…

Jump.