Peer Pressure

It has been said that when women dress they don't do so to impress the men they do so to impress the women. True statement, well at least with me it is. I am critical of myself and I am in turn critical of others under the same standards I put on myself. I've been on the giving and receiving end of girl-on-girl criticism and in an effort to eliminate it from myself I have begun to see it from the outside in. When I made the decision to free myself from relaxers the women in my life who were against it said things like, "So what, you're just going to wear your hair nappy?" Or the asked, "What if you have to go somewhere important or if you have a job interview?" Everyone has their own idea of beauty but I wonder if our "own idea" of beauty is being dictated (by whom is an entirely different mouthful) and perpetuated by us. With my hair situation I ran into a conflict with a deep set idea of "acceptable" hair for a black woman. Women who genuinely care for me said these things not to hurt me but it came from this dictated notion of how beauty should be achieved and because I was going against that it was automatically a negative thing. We watch the dove commercials and talk about accepting each other as women as we are but it doesn't show through in honest reactions I have encountered in so many situations when dealing with other women.

In the past I could have been classified as a mean girl and maybe some friends would still say that in certain situations so I am guilty of it too. And when I think about it we can't blame men entirely for the negative and narrow stereotypes and images of women in the media. We take the limited definition of beauty we are given and use that as the law book in which to judge the next woman. In my own experience I can say it's hard to remain confident in my idea of beauty and my appearance when "acceptable" is completely opposite. I find myself excited when I see another natural hair rocking woman when I am out and about. I feel an instant connection and respect for them like that's what I'm talking about fight the power. Because I choose to not straighten my hair or wear long wigs or weaves and because I choose not to dress over sexed I stick out like a sore thumb in my community. The same images are stressed in the media and you're left feeling like there is only one way to be. I'm glad I have gotten to a level of maturity that I can see through the peer pressure to fit into a box and gather the courage to be myself. You have to have that when you encounter a stranger through the course of your day and she gives you the once over, we are all too familiar with, and you just know that she is deciding if you fit into her beauty box.