Owning It

Hubby and I had yet another row. My Bella was playing with him on the couch and he was being inattentive long story short she falls off and I get PISSED. He was playing the PlayStation as usual and I guess that's why I was so mad because of what he was doing instead of watching her. His first response was, she didn't fall! When I know he knows I saw and heard her hit the ground. The argument took a wrong turn at that point because it was no longer about my Bella falling it was about his lying. It makes me feel crazy when he looks at me with a straight face and tells me that something didn't happen when it clearly did. He tries to Jedi mind trick me and by the time I get finished arguing about that the main issue is left untouched because we're exhausted and too pissed off to deal with anything else. Today was about him being more careful and attentive when he has my Bella but we ended up fighting about if she actually hit the ground or the top of his foot. I wish that when he and I have an issue we could argue (the mature way) if necessary, come to some kind of understanding and own up to the part we played in the issue. But too many times in our relationship I own up to my actions and he dances around admitting fault. Taking responsibility for his actions is something that is so hard for hubby and I wonder sometimes if our marriage can ever be fixed if we don't work on our individual issues because they play such a huge part. If I let myself be pessimistic I wonder if he is even at a place in his life where he is ready to improve in that way. I try to show by example and own my missteps, I make a point to say oh that was my fault or that was all on me I'm sorry. But he has yet to do the same it's so frustrating and belittling because he doesn't understand that I feel like my feelings don't matter to him when he neglects to address them.
The fight got ugly. Well I will be honest and say the fight made me act ugly and talk mean and cuss because I am holding on to a lot of resent and unresolved issues with him that spill over every time we have a problem. I wish he knew I didn't want it to be like this. I wish he knew that I do wish I could forget everything that has happened and just love him. That's what my heart wants me to do but my head is logical enough to tell it when it has been disrespected. Every time I look at my Bella I pray we are not broken beyond repair.